Festivus Gifts: For the Anti-Commercial, Unique Holiday Celebration

If your Festivus celebration calls for a sleek aluminum pole, this anodized aluminum pipe keeps things light and corrosion-resistant for indoor or outdoor displays. We found the pre-cut and cut-to-length options handy for DIY rails or frames, minimizing extra machining. Just note the anodized coating can crack or wear at bent or welded joints, and color or finish quality may vary between production runs. Because specs on alloy or anodize thickness aren't always listed, confirm details if your project is design-critical.

Planning a DIY Festivus pole or a clean structural accent? We found M-D's 72-inch aluminum round tubing gives you plenty of stock for multiple cuts, with a versatile mill finish that's easy to machine, paint, or anodize. It's made in the USA, but expect to cut and deburr the ends yourself and plan for surface marks typical of mill finish. There's also a Prop 65 warning, so handle and finish appropriately if the piece will live where hands frequently touch.

Perfect for airing grievances, this 17 x 23 Quartet board doubles as a dry-erase surface and a magnetic spot for photos or notes. Our experience shows the painted-steel surface writes and erases cleanly, and the included hardware or self-stick tape makes installation simple. That said, we'd mount it with sturdier anchors than the tape; some users reported the board falling and breaking, plus occasional warping or adhesive failure. If you treat it gently, it's great for weekly lists and quick reminders.

For the Festivus emcee who wants to be heard, the Pyle PMP20 delivers punchy volume for its size and a built-in siren for crowd cues or playful theatrics. During our review, the lightweight body and shoulder strap made it easy to carry between rooms or outdoor spots. Keep in mind it needs four C batteries and reliability can vary; some units have failed or sounded quieter than expected. Fresh batteries help, but if you need stadium-level output, consider stepping up in power.

Training for the Festivus feats of strength? The Captains of Crush No. 2 delivers serious, consistent resistance thanks to precise geometry and burly springs, and it's built to last through years of squeezes. During our testing, we found beginners will likely need lighter levels first; the No. 2 can take months of work to close. Keep the exposed springs dry and lightly oiled to prevent rust, and while the price is higher than basic grippers, the durability offsets it.

For an anti-clutter Festivus gym, the Bowflex SelectTech 552s replace a rack of dumbbells with one compact tray. During our review, the dial system made weight changes fast, and the 5-52.5 lb range with 2.5-lb steps was great for creeping up on presses and rows. The tradeoff is the fixed, bulky length, even at light weights, which can bump your thighs on curls or presses. They're not designed to be dropped, and the recent safety recall history may give durability-minded lifters pause.

If your Festivus routine calls for practical strength over flashy gear, the TRX GO is a lightweight, packable way to get a full-body workout anywhere. In our testing, the build quality felt sturdier than most knockoffs, and the adjustable bodyweight moves scale well from beginners to frequent travelers. You will need a secure anchor point and a short learning curve to nail form, and the foam handles can get sweaty. Also double-check listing details, as some buyers report missing workout access codes or materials.

Looking to prep for the Festivus feats of strength? During our review, the Rogue KB-13's E-Coat finish proved durable and easier to wipe down than typical powder coat, and the ductile iron casting felt solid and well-balanced. We did notice the E-Coat can feel slippery once palms get sweaty, so chalk or a towel helps, and occasional finish/handle consistency reports mean buying from Rogue's USA-made line is reassuring. At $49, it's a long-lasting starter weight that won't clutter a minimalist home gym.

Bring a little mischief to the Festivus dinner with the Pizza Boss 3000, a circular-saw-styled cutter that reliably slices standard pies and gets people talking. In our testing, the laser-etched stainless steel blade stayed sharp for weeknight pizzas, and the removable blade shield made cleanup and storage safer. Very thick or ultra-cheesy pies can bog it down, and hand-washing is recommended. Its novelty shape isn't as ergonomic as a long-handle wheel, but the fun factor more than compensates for casual use.

Need a low-key Festivus token? The Knock Knock Paper Hug Nifty Note Pad is a compact 4 x 5.25 inch pad that slips into a pocket, lunchbox, or gift bag, and the 50 sheets make it easy to spread small doses of snark or encouragement. In our testing, the non-sticky pages meant we reached for tape or a magnet to post notes. The small writing area keeps messages brief, which suits quick quips, but heavy users may burn through a pad and want a couple at the $7 price.

Stir up a little Festivus folklore with the Ototo Nessie Ladle, which stands upright on its own to keep drips off the counter between servings. In our testing, the dishwasher-safe build made cleanup a breeze and the whimsical design charmed guests. Do note some listings say silicone but customers report plastic, and the handle/neck can feel flimsy when scooping heavier soups. The little legs are adorable, though they make it harder to scrape the last bit from the pot.

This Hutzler Banana Slicer two-pack is the perfect Festivus gag that secretly earns its keep in the kitchen. In our testing, it cranked out uniform slices for cereal and baking in one press, and the dishwasher-safe plastic made cleanup painless. The tradeoffs: the plastic feels a bit flimsy under heavy use, and it struggles if your banana curves the opposite way unless you flip or angle it. If you're happy washing one extra utensil, it's a cheap, cheerful time-saver.

Add a ridiculous flourish to your Festivus with the Archie McPhee Electronic Yodeling Pickle. In our testing, the batteries-included design and compact size made it an instant conversation piece, and the surprisingly loud yodel punctuates the Airing of Grievances on cue. It does repeat the same sample every press, so overuse gets old fast (and can annoy bystanders). We'd keep it away from very young kids due to small parts, and deploy its absurdity in short, glorious bursts.

Nothing says Festivus like a Seinfeld deep cut, and this Party Game About Nothing leans hard into nostalgia. During our review, the physical marble rye and fishing-pole stunt delivered a hilarious centerpiece moment, and the 20-30 minute playtime kept things breezy between grievances. Be aware the trivia skews tough and tends to reward superfans, so casual viewers may feel lost. Component quality and replay value hinge on your group's fandom: bigger fans, bigger laughs; newcomers may prefer a lighter party title.

For a Festivus party that leans into the ridiculous, the Cards Against Humanity Absurd Box injects 300 offbeat prompts for just twenty bucks. During our review, we found it refreshed stale decks with outrageous setups that got even jaded groups laughing again. As with all CAH expansions, humor fit is hit-or-miss, and some cards won't land with every crowd, while tone overlap with other packs can feel repetitive. A few buyers mention stray or overprinted cards, but our set arrived clean.

Set your Festivus pole lighting to trigger right on cue with the Eve Motion. In our testing, motion detection felt snappy, and Thread/Matter support let us tie automations across platforms, with IPX3 water resistance giving you flexibility for hallways or sheltered porches. That said, setup can be finicky on non-Apple hubs, and a few firmware updates after Matter introductions have affected the light sensor. Our experience shows occasional flakiness clears with a reset or hub restart, but it's worth noting.

For the Festivus minimalist who loves automations, the Aqara Door and Window Sensor P2 delivers smart, precise open/close alerts without fuss. During our review, native Matter support let us add it directly to HomeKit and Alexa, and the adhesive mount made placement painless. Just note you'll need a Matter controller/Thread border router for the best, cloudless performance, and some users report intermittent range or responsiveness. Our experience shows battery life can vary by unit, so keep a spare cell handy if alerts start lagging.

For a tidy Festivus entryway, Yamazaki's Nest Umbrella Stand adds minimalist steel style and genuinely looks like decor instead of storage. During our review, the removable silicone drip mat kept water contained and the rectangular model's stated 8-10 umbrella capacity felt realistic for compact stick umbrellas. Taller or golf umbrellas can be a squeeze, and the short profile may tip if loaded unevenly. Treat chips promptly to avoid rust on the steel finish, and you'll enjoy a clean, modern look.